I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
