when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
