I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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