The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize