Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
