I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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