just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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