he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
