I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
