Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
