I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
