you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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