someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
