Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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