Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
