i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
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Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
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i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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