dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
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Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
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The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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