Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
