it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
How's work?
Spinning.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
