We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
