I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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