and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
