bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
