Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
