Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How external is "for external use only"?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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