Sponge bath it is.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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