Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
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She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
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Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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