I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We had to coat check the pizza.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
try to milk me bitch
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
