No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
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My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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