Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
