Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
