mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
