idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
