I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
