hell yes lets make some ravioli
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
