I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
