youre lurking in front of me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
