If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
