dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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