Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
