She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize