im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize