I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Someone shit on the floor
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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