Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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