at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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