dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
