the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
