why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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