it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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