If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i need some magic done to my vagina
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize