he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I want her autograph on my taint
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
