he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
