we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
