Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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