i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
