Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
