franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
