I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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