i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
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He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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