Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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