My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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