i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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